Connection Over Correction

By December 7, 2015 Parenting No Comments

How many times do you find yourself yelling something at your kids?

Get your feet down!  Stop hitting your sister!  Sit still!

Do those phrases come from your mouth non-stop all day long?

If so, it’s time to learn how to change the conversation.

According to Child & Adolescent Psychologist Amy Fortney Parks, “One of the fundamental keys to building relationships with our children is focusing on connecting with them rather than constantly correcting them.”  What that means, in layman terms is, by ditching the nagging we are our teaching our kids to see the connections between their behavior and the outcome.

For example, did you know that our brains are actually wired to focus on the exact thing we are told not to do? If I told you not to focus on a red juicy apple your brain would automatically produce the image of a red juicy apple even though I told you not to.

Can you imagine how confusing that is for a child?


Old: Stop hitting your sister

New: We don’t hit people, hands are for hugging and high fives.


Old: Stop crying

New: Let’s find ways to help you calm down.

TIP: Try to reduce your use of “don’t” and “no” and see what happens with the connections your child makes.